DAO: Things I can no longer do

THINGS I CAN NO LONGER DO IN DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS


1. If I get my tongue stuck to a lamppost, I cannot blame it on Alistair.
2. Even if it seemed like he was promising something if I did.
3. I am not allowed to form the Sten Brigade in order to gain influence.
4. Nor am I able to forfeit the party's cookie supply because I am intimidated.
5. Don't tell Leliana about Sten's kitten obsession, she will get hurt.
6.  No, I can't use Shale as a pack mule.
7. Or Alistair.
8. I can't pretend to ignore Jowan in the dungeon because it's drama that I don't need.
9. I can no longer ask Sandal what the time is.
10. I am only allowed to ask Zevran for a story once a week. Otherwise safety is not guaranteed from the rest of the party members.
11. Also, yes, Zevran loves  humor but there's only so many times I can call him Tila Tequila before he gets offended.
12. No whoring.
13. I can't name my dog Snuggles, because I will have to live with that for the rest of the game.
14. Nor can I call him Alistair for giggles.
15. Even if the resemblance in demeanor is uncanny.
16. Stop sending the dog to put dead things in Morrigan's pack.
17. I can't call Morrigan the Wicked Witch of the Wastes.
18. Or start singing Defying Gravity in front of her. She won't get it.
19. In fact, I shouldn't sing at all in front of anyone ever again ever.
20. I can't refer to the Gray Wardens as 'Ferelden Jedi'.
21. I said no whoring.
22. I can't call Zevran Antonio Banderas. Even if it only makes him sexier.
23. Sten does not play basketball, so stop asking him if he does.
24. No, stop asking for horses because there are none. And Shale can't double as my "noble steed".
25. There is no 'kick in the crotch' dialogue option.
26. I can't sharpie Oghren's face while he's passed out drunk. Or play with his hair. He'll kill me.
27. NO WHORING!
28. I can't continually go back to Redcliff to go zombie-hunting again. They're gone.
29. And every time I do see one of the undead, I can't scream "ZOOOOMBIEEE!". It's annoying.
30. When Zevran said he liked leather, he was hinting to boots. Not ass-less chaps.
31. Not everything my dog brings back is gift material.
32. Even if Alistair liked that cake.
33. There are no Fereldian gay pride parades.
34. Leliana will not sing Bon Jovi, that's breaking the 4th wall.
35. And I can't sing that Portal song to Sten because he referenced it.
36. Alistair is not a moose.
37. He's a tank.
38. I cannot rename my party members. That is blatant disregard for free will and sentient life.
39. Even though Tank-istair, Stabby McSpanishface, and the Pew-Pew Witch are all very fitting.
40. Please try not to fall asleep whenever Wynne talks. She'll get insulted.
41. Also, Wynne isn't my mom.
42. Or a dinosaur.
43. It isn't funny to remove people's armor as a lesson when they are being disobedient. Nor is it effective discipline.
44. The sloth demon will probably get angrier when it's called a 'walking glob of snot'.
45. It isn't wise to tell Sten false rumors about people calling him a sissy… he'll kill them.
46. There is no Shoop-Da-Whoop spell. Even though it'd be really funny.
47. "Walking Bomb" should not be used as a motivator for disgruntled party members.
48. Although it would be fun, it wouldn't be economically sound to line my tent in all the wolf pelts I collect.
49. No matter how hard I look, Drizzt Do'Urden isn't somewhere on the map. This isn't Baldur's Gate.
50. The Gauntlet for the Urn of Sacred Ashes shouldn't be used as an excuse to get my party members naked.